The Fussy Make Eaters

Most parents dread the ages of 1 and a half and above. This is the phase of ‘I don’t want to eat’ starts. Hark!! We still have not reached the I bought this from my pocket money stage… so rest assured we are still safe. They say that it won’t be until the kid goes to a hostel, that she or he starts appreciating homemade food. So no worries, we are all in the same stormy waters, but few of us (me incl) have a better lifeboat :P.

Some children may not have that great a capacity to eat, while some eat well. It all depends upon how we as parents eat. Children eat what parents eat. Also a child will eat only when hungry. And a child will get hungry only when the child has loads of activity (other than physically growing up) and proper sleep. The physical appearance of a child has nothing to do with food. Chubbiness is  genetic and does not reside in cerelac bowls.

Sample Menu of a fussy eater: only 10% of this the child would allow inside with rest landing at all places in and outside the house.
6:00 AM : Milk
7:30 AM : Breakfast of 2 idlis/A jam sandwich/A chaptti with lots of stress on the mother as she hankers to feed.
9:00 AM : Juice/Fruit
11:00AM: Biscuit
12:30: Lunch consisting of boiled veggies in rice/Cerealac rice combi/any other gooey stuff
3:30: Milk
5:00: Biscuit/any tiffin
6:00: any fruit
8:00: Dinner again with the gooey stuff.
9:00: Milk

My husband who is a pretty voracious eater himself would be sick with the menu and its timing above. It is a very very healthy menu. I do not deny that. But can anyone of us eat this way? If we as an adult cannot, why are we forcing it upon our children? Please do not share the advice that children are growing and hence must eat frequently. Children must eat as they are hungry not because we think they are supposed to eat. Do not make your child think of food as an abomination. Treat it with the same genuine fun as we do with watching TV.

Oh then here is a sample menu of junk eaters: Only the chips are absorbed 100%
6:00 AM : Milk
7:00 AM : Breakfast of 2 idlis/A jam sandwich/A chaptti with lots of stress on the mother as she hankers to feed.
9:00 AM : Kurkure/Chips
11:00AM: Chocolate
12:30: Lunch consisting of boiled veggies in rice/Cerealac rice combi/any other gooey stuff
3:30: Milk
5:00: Biscuit/Coke
6:00: More chips/fryums
8:00: Dinner again with the gooey stuff.
9:00: Milk

 First question: Why in the first place your fridge stocked with any of the fizz drinks? And what is the kurkure packet doing in your kitchen cabinet? Children are never the fussy eaters. It is us parents who are the fussy fussy make eaters. Give me a choice, I’ll grab a coke and big pack of chips for lunch even today.No one menu is perfectly suited for a kid. It varies. But what has to vary is how we eat. Also we must recognize a child’s palate. What the child likes and make more of it. A gentle way to introduce a new taste. Each taste takes time to build.

Case Study: How I recognized what, how and et all that Pari likes.

Palate:
As a baby when we started giving food, the first and foremost thing I avoided is preserved food like: Jam, Honey, Gerber Baby Foods(These ruin. Trust Me), etc. Then the milk. We generally give full cream milk to our kids. One cup of full cream coffee keeps me satiated for 2 hours, imagine what it would do to a child’s appetite. For Pari we reduced the milk 5 times a day to first 4 with threptin in between and by the time proper lunch and dinner routine set in, it is only 2 times in a day, with some chocolate milk/milkshake in the evening as snack. Most important is that milk till date is taken without sugar or very less. Sugar is a big big appetite killer.

We started off by giving what we would eat albeit in a softer form. Like rice, dal, thori, bhindi, brinjal, lauki,potato etc. I would cook these vegetable the same way as for us, but avoid the mirchi. At first she didn’t like the potato. But she enjoyed the sweet potato. At the age of 7 months onwards children are curious and willingly try everything. Also what I noticed is that she would spit out the food if the salt was not sufficient. So I had to be careful about that. And till date she still does not eat peas, so that’s fine there are other green veggies that she likes. As her food choices became more pronounced, I noticed she liked almost everything her Dad ate including Yam and bitter gourd. I still don’t eat bitter gourd. Also it had to be cooked in the same way as for him. The only deviation being coconut chutney and rasam where she still eats coconut is its natural form and rasam needs garlic tempering unlike her dad who prefers asafetida.

Being a kid she loves ice creams, potato chips, coke and other junk food. Neither do I stock these at home, nor do we personally consume these anymore even outside. Ice Cream is reserved for special days of being Ms. Two-Goody-Shoes. I’ve even requested anyone visiting us home to kindly not bring any chocolates. We serve either coffee/tea/juice to our guests. Potato chips however, I use the handmade ones since she loves to eat them with rasam. Coke is never ever. Even we do  not drink fizz anymore. We do not even buy lays, fryums, kurkure,cheetos or any such stuff. Infact I do not go to those aisles. I encourage cut fruits, milkshakes, sweet/salty biscuits, oreos, homemade cakes, khakra,kharapoosa, pistas, dried berries, pop corn, as nibble food. The one and only vice we have is chewing gums and lollipops. The gum is thanks to my addiction L But those darn lollipops make her hyper. It scares me to see a generally calm child so hyper. Darn you sugar. But then, I love buying her those lollipops… remember the fun we used to have… ahh ok now back to being the parent.

Capacity:
This is very very important. We need to note the quantity of consumption very carefully. For two things of course, one is not to waste food, and the other not to force it down the child’s throat just because you don’t want to throw all that ghee down the bin. Now with Pari we noticed her optimum quantity of milk is 100ml with 2 spoons of pediasure. We stick to this. Anything above, it would be our fault and it has to go down the bin no matter what. And we do not fuss about that. Please do not do not eat/drink what the child has left out or feed him back the same after a while. First, the child must not get the impression that you are his garbage can and secondly that food is a punishment. There is still time to get the age where we can make them understand the importance for not wasting food.

I’ve generally noticed mothers mixing a bowl full of food for lunch/dinner. It is intimidating. Have you ever imagined what you would feel if your plate is totally heaped with rice? You may be able to eat that much but the sight of it surely would scare you and kill your appetite. The same is with kids. Mix small quantity of food. Say a table spoon with vegetable. The a table spoon with dal. The small morsels are easier to digest both visually and orally. Also with some  kids the first few morsels of food need to be plain. Like plain roti or plain rice. Let them enjoy these morsels. It serves as an appetizer and after a few morsels you can add the veggies etc.


Patterns:
Some kids get plain bored of eating and may refuse food. So always eat together. It keeps up the tempo. Some kids need to be fed intermittently. To each his own. It is a bit tiring but, that’s how their system is. For example your kid will complete his portion of dal rice but may need an hour or so before eating curd rice. This is completely normal. Some kids eat in one go. Like Pari, once she is done with either her lunch or dinner, for 2 hours post that she may eat a fruit or have some milk. But the quantity will be very less. More or less like a urge to nibble on something. Never feed a child every meal or snack with the intent of filling her up. Food must be enjoyable.



What you eat is what the child wants to eat:
Never mix 10 things together. Let the tastes dwell. It is very simple and healthy to boil all veggies with rice or hide the taste by mixing with the atta. The whole intent is that it must go down my child’s throat without much fuss. And yes it is sooooo nutritious. First thing will you eat that gooey stuff. If the answer is NO, then please do not feed your child in this manner. Feed them what you eat the way you eat. Children can very easily sense whether or not you are eating this normally or as a ruse to feed him. Do not be dishonest. You can’t really provide all the minerals and vitamins all the days. Some day less  someday more, that is normal. Perfectionism ruins food for the kid.

Even when Pari asks for coffee, we do not cheat her. We simply put less decoction and serve it to her in the coffee cup that we use . Children are clever enough to realize what you are trying to dump down their throat with the ruse. Never ever make a child feel about food as dumping nutrition. Or even providing nutrition is a tasteless way. Food must be fun.


Let the hunger grow:
 Allow your child to ask for food. Let the hunger grow. Some parents say that their child if left this way can go on without food for a whole day and then ask for milk at the end of the day, kick up a fuss and sleep. I can thoroughly understand how desperate it makes a parent feel. But hunger is a habit to be inculcated specially for over caring parents like us. We time the child’s food but not his hunger. And then we start giving tonics to induce hunger. This is a very very incorrect practice. A very good pediatrician Mr.V. Subbarao shared tips on how to allow the hunger to build.

1.       Do not fill the child with milk. It reduces hunger.

2.       Do not overfeed. If a child refuses at a point, leave it. The capacity to eat will increase over the time.

3.       Do not time the feeds as per a timetable. Time it as per a child’s hunger.

4.       Allow the child to feel hungry. It helps to digest food better.


Sample Activity:  Once Pari started Nursery, I had to adjust a lot to her food timings. Sometime she was hungry when she came home and sometimes not. I had to be perceptive as she still did not know how to tell me she was hungry. So if she was in a good mood, I understood she just had her snack. The snack may be a  simple biscuit , cracker, some choco flakes, cut fruits or cucumber. Nothing very substantial from my point of view. But hunger was appeased. Times when she is moody, cranky meant hunger. I kept oats, cut fruits, some idli or threptin anything light handy for that hunger appeasing moment. Instead of asking her if she was hungry, I would begin by eating something and if she was hungry she would come to me and I’d offer her some from my bowl. Slowly I began offering her in another bowl. After sometime when I would not offer, she would ask. Even today 100% she cannot ask for food whenever she is hungry. But at least she asks sometimes, so that’s good for me.

 Food Moods:
 As with us adults children too have their food moods. After a week of rice, even the kid gets fed up and refuses to eat rice. They may want to eat Maggie or pasta or dosa or even dhokla. Now here is another ruse for parents to fill up on the veggies. Please do not do that. When Pari started eating Pasta, initially it was plain boiled pasta with salt. Almost 3 months later once she discovered that she liked corn, she wanted that to be added to Maggie and Pasta. Now she allows vegetables like broccoli, carrots, and beans. Tomato, peas and Cheese is still a NO NO. And I’m hoping cheese grows on her soon. It is a very good food for kids. Even kids want something different for lunch and dinner in a while. I tried upma, poha, Maggie,pasta, bobbatlu, pulihora, sandwiches etc instead of the traditional lunch whenever I felt bored. Somehow it was in sync with Pari’s boredom too. Infact one odd weekend we skip lunch in favor of a late heavy breakfast. Food in our house is eaten to appease hunger happily and not dumped to fill our body with nutrition. So I really don’t care about those grey haired lasses who go ‘Hawww, she skipped lunch for the kid tch tch’. While they are busy running around the whole house to feed the poor harassed kid, I royally sit in front of the TV enjoying a weekend tasty brunch with my baby.

Also, when we travel or we are in a restaurant or in any public gathering we ourselves feel uncomfortable to eat. Specially the buffet system these days, even we cannot eat whole heartedly. Nothing beats the bliss of sitting in front of your television and eating. In children this is even more pronounced. There are a couple of ways to handle this, but each to his own:

1.       Try carrying the child’s food along. And even if you do chances are that the child will be more curious to eat what is out there than what you have brought. This is expected and normal. Do not fret. Do not stop carrying food. Moods you see.

2.       Try giving the child as plain food as possible. Like plain rice, plain chapatti, plain dal and curd. Generally easy to swallow foods. If papads and fryums are available add it to the food if your child appreciates it. I’m sure any restaurant or laid out buffet will have edible stuff for kids. Arre roadside dhabas/tiffin points have pulkas and dosas respectively.

3.       Banana/Threptin/Boiled Egg is the best option in cases above. It is most easy to carry, palatable and filling too.

4.       Nothing above is working then, milk is the next best as the substitute. It is soothing and filling. It’s just a matter of this afternoon or this day. Do not fret. And do not harass the child.

5.       Child says no to even milk. Try taking the child away from the crowd to a soothing familiar place. Obviously your car/the stroller. Please go alone or with your spouse and avoid an over caring audience, as chances are you may raise your voice to get that first morsel in and the audience is not going to appreciate that.

6.       If none of the above works and I’m sure by now you would have tried for about 3 hours without pause. Take a chill pill go have your food. Regain your composure from hunger and come back. It’s just a matter of a day or an afternoon or night. If the child does not eat, no harm done. He will definitely eat after sometime. After all hunger pangs you see… painful for any parent but inevitable.


With Pari, I generally do not force her to eat. Even if it means she is missing two straight meals. By the third one, she herself comes and sits beside me to eat. I too was like that as a child. It has taken me 6 months to bear and desist the pain one feels when the child is not eating. And to remain calm and not show the anxiety. This not only improves her hunger, it also teaches the thing which she had as a baby, you are hungry you will ask/cry for it :D.